星期一, 9月 13

A Touching Love Story...

"If our gods and our hopes are
nothing but scientific phenomena,
then it must be said that our love
is scientific as well

Villiers de L'Isle-Adam in "L'Eve Future"

Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence

Remnants of our memories are memorable only if we are able to pick the pieces together and make sense of it. I was watching "Super Sunday" yesterday afternoon, and during the show the crew helped Jiang Meiqi to look for her first crush during high school. The story goes like this...When she was in high school, Jiang Meiqi was the "odd" one out in her class as practically all the girls in her class had boyfriends and she had no-one to confide in. While day-dreaming one day, she figured out that if she joined the choir and displayed her powerful voice, she will be idolized and there would be no lack of suitors then. Therefore, she courageously approached her form-teacher to request to join the choir. Instead, her teacher insisted she joined the prefectorial board to become a "patrolling prefect" to catch those who broke the school rules!

During one of her patrolling sessions, Jiang Meiqi caught sight of a guy who would remain in her heart for years to come. He was the captain of the school basketball team and she saw him playing basketball in the court. His intense concentration in the game mesmerized her completely. After that day, she literally stalked her senior and bought whatever he had for breakfast and even skipped lessons to watch a basketball match between a neighbouring school and got punished for it. After he graduated, she wrote a letter to confess her love for him but he replied that he will be busy taking his sub-papers as he had failed to enter any university and had to repeat. After Jiang Meiqi became a pop-star and went to schools to give concerts, she would dress up specially and become especially aware of her looks when she had to perform at the university her senior entered. In one concert, she accidentaly stepped on a mineral water bottle while going to the back-stage that she tripped and fell.

When "Super Sunday" managed to find her crush, his appearance brought tears to Jiang Meiqi's eyes as this was the first time she was getting up-close with her crush of several years. The hosts tried to warm up the atmosphere by coercing Jiang Meiqi to profess her love for him. However, after several tries and tears, she didn't manage to do that. Turned out that she was too emotional to say it or probably it was not the right situation to do so. The senior said that he didn't know he was being looked up to by Meiqi until the Super Sunday crew found him. The whole scene felt quite awkward to me. Why did I mention all these? Because, after watching this, it sparked off previous memories in my secondary and junior college days.

If I had the ability to find people whom I seek, I would like to find two people in my life that made a tremendous impact on who I am. The first one is a girl I got to know during my secondary school days as a scout leader. She was a girl guide's leader and one year my junior. She was the first girl to bring me that special feeling of being loved. Apparently she was the first to initiate as I received her call unexpectantly one day and it all started from there...I would like to confess that most of the time, she made the move instead of me doing so as I was too shy and scared of failure. We would take long walks home together almost everyday and we would wait for each other for school to end and had long conversations about our life and ambition. She would make special efforts to do some cute handicrafts like friendship bands for me, which I still keep for memory sake. Althougth we never officiated our relationship in any way, in my heart, we were already in a relationship subconciously. All these burst like a soap bubble all of the sudden when one of her girl-friends asked me of my opinion for her. I really didn't know why I said it but I told the friend I treated her like a very good friend ONLY, maybe with the hope of not wanting others to know of our relationship...after that incident, she would avoid me intentionally and I was speechless for words. I tried to find the chance to explain matters to her but my courage let me down. Apparently it affected my 'O' level as I couldn't really study for it but the goddess of luck was on my side as I managed to scrape through and got quite fair results to enter a college. If I can find you again, J, I will like to tell you that you were really an angel in my heart and I had let you down. I really liked you but could not find the words to express my emotions.

The second person I would like to find was a girl I got to know during the first 3 months at SRJC. Frankly speaking, she was the MOST beautiful girl I know, even up to now. She was voted the TOP 5 beautiful girls in JC during a poll. Everyday during the lectures, she would sit alone at the corner of the third row of the lecture theater and there would always be an empty seat beside her. My eyes would always be on her graceful form in her presence. One day, I sensed the beckoning of the empty seat to me and I found the courage to sit beside her and got to know her. During the lectures, we would talk quietly and ignored the lecturers. I would feel that we were in a world of our own. One time when we had to sit seperately due to lack of seats, she would pass a piece of paper with messages inside and we would literally chat to each other during the lecture using that piece of paper, despite the fact that the people between us were quite irritated being the medium of the message. We would stay back after school to chat about our life and she was the first girl I was so physical to (Dun think wrongly...I could never bring myself to even tap a girl's shoulders). She was the FIRST person to let me feel that there was absolutely no kind of barrier between us and we would understand each other unknowingly without the need for verbal communication. We would join the same ECAs to try out new things together. However, my heart was broken when I saw a guy always hanging beside her during her tutorials(I was in a different class as her). After which, I chose to avoid all kinds of contact with her to prevent any awkward situations. However, in a twist of fate, I knew that actually I was still in her heart as I fell seriously sick towards the end and was admitted to hospital due to high fever. My classmates told me that she would look for me in my class almost everyday to ask about me but could not contact me as I didn't give my contact number to anyone. She was gone after the first 3 months when I was back at school...That was the end of a "relationship" which I thought would had blossomed if let to absorb the water of love. That devastated me as I felt all life drained from me. I would be in a constant cycle of depression and ignored my studies altogether but always managed to pass my papers. I wonder if god was playing tricks on me as I wanted to fail to suffer a blow big enough to wake me up but always didn't manage to do so. If I would have another chance to see you again, I would like to say to you that you are the only person that had captured my heart and hide it beyond my sight.

Both episodes had left deep marks in me and personally I felt that these are the worst 2 mistakes I had made in my life and I may never get another chance at it again. I just want to make use of the present, to learn from the past, so that I can prepare for the future. A sincere sorry to both of you, if you ever get to read it, and I hope that GOD may give me another chance at redemption.

So, who do you want to find?



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