A Confession To Make...
"If I have a million dollars, I can buy an estate.
But do I have a million dollars? No.
So, I still don't have an estate.
If I have wings, I can fly to anywhere I feel like.
But do I have wings? No.
So, I am unable to fly.
If I can pour out all the water from the seas of the Pacific Ocean, and not douse the fire of love I have for you.
But can the water of the Pacific Ocean be poured out? No.
So, I don't love you."
Excerpt from "My First Intimate Contact"
Under the kind recommendation of a friend, I went to read with much interest an online novel that depicts an internet love story which all began with the above quote. Basically, the story talks about how a "normal" guy got acquainted with this girl who was interested in the quote he wrote and how he attempted to get to know the girl better.
In many ways, I can relate to the male character as he laments about how his "chronic" singlehood is a result of his much-prized chivalry and moral values. As best described by his budding friend in the novel, who is a lady-killer and have women throwing themselves at him, a "good" man is not to be loved by a woman, only a "bad" man does. I guess he meant that women look for romance in a relationship, which a "good" man cannot offer, and then comes the entrance of the "bad" man.
Having a fantasy is not really bad, but reality is often far from the way we want it to be. How often can we run along the shores of the beach without getting our feet cut by the glass splinters scattered all over. Who does not get aching arms when carrying a 50++ kg weight and spinning in countless circles. You can call me hopeless in love, but I am just trying to be realistic. So, in the midst of reading, I figured out I have much to improve in the romance department. Guess I have to throw away all my "Confucius" and "Descartes" and pick up "100 Ways To Win A Woman's Heart" instead.
However, what specifically caught my undivided attention was a discourse between the male lead and his centre of attraction on the different Internet personalities. According to him, there are 3 kinds of such personalities.
The first kind will reveal his/her most strongest character. STRONGEST NOT = MAIN. Let me explain. In daily life, we have several characters in varying degrees and express ourselves according to what the situation demands of us, where our MAIN character comes in and supresses the rest. However, in the Internet, where our physical attributes transforms to numbers and alphabets, our STRONGEST, often secondary, character comes in.
The second personality is one where he/she becomes someone whom he/she "wishes" to be. These are several characters in this world and there is bound to be one which we like alot, but we don't possess. The Internet presents an opportunity for such people to become individuals whom they had always desired to be. For example, a usually solemn guy may become especially fluent and humorous and a shy and quiet girl may metamorphosize into a talkative and lively person.
The thrid kind of Internet personality is one who tries to become a person who he/she is impossible to be in reality. God is the director of life where our role is already being chosen for us. However, in the Internet world, there is seemingly no God and you are your own director. Take for instance, guys who pretend to be girls or people in their 50s trying to act as if in their 20s.
The first personality is the truthiest to themselves. What they are showing are part of themselves and not a rip-off from other people. They may also learn of their hidden strengths where, for instance, realise they are good writers after blogging or find out that they are thick-sknned after heated arguments in discussion boards.
On the other hand, the second kind of personality is relatively ignorant. They admire the qualities of others so much that they forgot to look at their own strengths. If you are a lemon, try to like the sourness and not attempt to become sweet like a honey dew.
Having said this, I have to confess I belong to the second personality. I am not handsome nor ugly, not too tall or short, personality not too bad or good, so you can say I'm normal. In a bid to fight off this "normalness", I tried to become someone whom I think will be better, but not someone who I really am. And in that process, find someone to fall into the bait.
Sometimes, even I shudder to think why I am doing this. Is it a desperate measure to get attached or just a reaction to my insufficiencies? I have no idea. But, what i learnt after reading the novel (I shall not reveal the ending) is that learning to become yourself is not too bad after all.
I strongly recommend those with good Chinese background to go take a glimpse of this great piece of literature. Click here to access.
So, after reading all these, where do YOU belong?
posted by NiGhTmArE @ 3:15 下午
3 comments
